Slapped on Something Weird's Volume 3 of its Dragon Art Theatre series, School for Hookers is an example of a "chaser": a film so tedious that it served a useful purpose of helping to clear out bored patrons overstaying their grind-house welcome. Unl... ess I was fast arelax, I would definitely have joined the rush to the exit back in the day. Unappetizing intro has a girl briefly pleasuring herself with a coke flask, then chatting with her fellow prostitutes in abysmal banter, including one proffering a fond memory of once dallying with a dog that "had a very long tongue". This rather ugly group of women (the one exception being the only recognizable cast member, Sharon Thorpe at the beginning of her busy porn career) are into self-improvement so they answer a classified ad from Linda Lovewhip, offering to teach the finer points of fellatio and other sex acts required of a whore. Despite her name and fondling of a whip, she does not dish out any punishment here. Linda lives on Montgomery Street, betraying the film's locale as San Francisco, but there are no exterior shots in this cheapie, or what's left of it in the ratty print preserved by SWV. With barely enough action of interest to sustain a 12-minute loop, the film devolves into lengthy training sessions, first of which is devoted to the art of cunnilingus. Linda gives the gals marital aids and what look like huge red lollipops shaped as dildos to take with them "for homework". Week-later session pads the running time by having the girls shown generic stag films loaded with ejaculation-in-your-face shots, as preparation for practicing the fine art of fellatio on two nondescript guys. That's the entire "film". Attempts at humor in the improvised dialog are embarrassing. Examples: the notion of "lapping" cues a Mark Spitz joke (topical in the wake of his 1972 Olympics record-setting performance); and a command to go "up and down" is related with the admonishment: "pretend it's the stock market". Just a barrel of laughs. Library music score stinks, with the possible exception of an odd flute & guitar based version of the Ray Charles hit "I Got a Woman". read more

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